Test Day

01.28.07
10:28 am

There are those who don't believe in tests. I had professors in college who confessed they'd rather not give tests. That they didn't think that tests accomplished anything. I've heard my friends contest the purpose of a test. As if a test is an accurate measure. Or I'm much better verbally. Or there is no real life application.

I, however, disagree.

Friday was test day.

I had a math teacher in high school. He always reminded me of a crazy mole. I swear there is a Disney character modeled after him. He's balding, round face, largish nose, minimal chin. Anyway, I never liked math much. But I liked this class because of Mr. Seale. He would give tests without warning. Just drop them down. We'd all freak out of course. Beads of sweat forming at our brow, eyelids begin to tick. Pouring through our notes for that precious two seconds between the "clear your desks" and the "clear your desks right now". We'd rack our brains. Dig for information we never buried. Sometimes we'd find it, sometimes we wouldn't. "Times up." Scribble your name across the top, close your eyes, bow your head in defeat, and lift up that white flag of surrender all scribbled with numerals.

And he was laughing all the time. Just watching us suffer, because he knew the secret that the clever ones would soon learn. It didn't matter, it didn't matter at all.

Because see: the tests were never entered into any gradebook, they were never even graded. That was never the point. The point was to toss us into the pool and see how far we could swim on our own. He was teaching us about ourselves.

That's the beauty of tests. It has little to do with the material on the page. And everything to do with you. It is that moment when you are all alone and there is no one there to come when you cry. And you stab in the dark at letters that hold no significance. You wade through the sunless lonely marsh. But you always come out on the other side. That's the beautiful part: no one ever gets lost forever in a classroom.

Still, it broke my heart to see Daniel cry.

And no one their to help him.